Already Gone
by SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: A letter written by Loki to Thor (even though he knows his brother will never receive it) after falling from the Bifrost. Based around Kelly Clarkson's song, Already Gone. "...because you were the one who loved me most, you could not have loved me better. There is no moving on for me, but there is still time for you, so I am already gone." Part 2 of Dear Brother series.


**So I really enjoyed my 'Dear Loki' story and couldn't help but feel Loki/Thor pain whilst listening to other songs. So I have a list I plan to write into letters, both from Thor's perspective and Loki's. This one is as soon as Loki falls, I feel before falling into the hands of the Chitauri and The Other; so he's a little less crazy. I'm hoping that as I move on, the Loki letters will get less brotherly and more Avenger Loki. I also have one I cannot wait to write based on when Thor brings Loki back, which will be a two sided letter/argument. Italics are lyrics/close lyrics from the song. Anyway, I will shut up now...**

He needed to distract himself, he needed to speak the words that were burning a hole in his cold heart, but there was no one to listen, Thor was gone, his home was gone._ He_ was gone. So instead, Loki conjured up a quill and paper, reminding him so much of home, and began to write...

XXX

Dear Thor,

I feel I need to apologize. To apologize for what I did to you and to Midgard. Though I do not apologize for my actions on Jotunheim, in fact, I am sorry I did not succeed. And most of all, I am sorry I let go.

_Do you remember all the things we wanted? _The throne, power, but most of all to be loved. Not for our position, but for who we were. You got all of that, the Golden son, but I got nothing, only pretense and lies. _So now all our memories, they're haunted_, full of the monsters, the monsters I turned out to be, this was never meant to be, you and I as brothers, _we were always meant to say goodbye_. _Even with our fists held high_, fighting side by side, together, _it never would have worked out right_, not after you knew the truth, not after my betrayal- at least that is one thing I can say I get from Fath...from Odin, the ability to lie and deceive the ones I am supposed to love. _We were never meant for do or die_, for the King and his adviser, for brothers, only for death and goodbye.

_I didn't want us to burn out,  
I didn't want to hurt you, but now I can't stop. _

I think the point in this letter, even though I know you will never read it, was because _I wanted you to know that it doesn't matter where we took this road, someone had to go_. Most of all _I wanted you to know you couldn't have loved me better_, you were the only one besides mother I felt truly cared for me, however much you made me angry, and however many times you made me feel small, you picked me up again. _But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone_, that is why I let go, not because I was afraid or angry, but because I needed you to lose me through death, not through my own madness.

I know that you will find happiness again, with people who_ do not always make you want to cry_. I made things difficult for you, whether I meant to or not, I know that, I made you so angry you would destroy anything in sight. A part of me loved that, that I could evoke such a reaction, but now I am ashamed. So just _know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go_, so please, let me go too.

My true heritage was always going to break us, we never could have lived in harmony once you knew. I could not have walked the walls of Asgard knowing what I was, what ran through my blood. _You can't make it feel right, when you know that it is wrong_. And I am oh so very wrong.

I do not know where I am going next, or what I will find, I can only hope that you are happy, happier than you could ever have been knowing you had a monster and a killer as a brother. I pray Heimdall can fix the Bifrost, so you can return to your Jane, I have not seen happiness in your eyes like you had when with her for years. But remember this, brother, in my madness I hurt you, and I wish more than anything I had not, because you were the one who loved me most, _you could not have loved me better_. _There is no moving on for me_, but there is still time for you, _so I am already gone_.

Your brother, forever,

Loki.

**I am having a bit of trouble to find Loki songs that show him becoming more like we see in Avengers, so if you can think of any just comment and I'll have a listen. Thanks for reading. :)**


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